The Conflict Paradox: Seven Dilemmas at the Core of Disputes

Praise for THE CONFLICT PARADOX

"This is the best new book to come out on conflict engagementand transformation in the last five years. It will be an invaluableresource for people involved in conflicts and third parties whohelp to resolve serious differences and build more positiverelationships."
Christopher W. Moore, partner, CDR Associates; authorof The Mediation Process

"I LOVE this book. Framing the dilemmas of conflict as paradoxesthat must be managed makes exquisite sense. This wonderful road mapto conflict will resonate with readers. A well–written, reflective,and thoughtful approach filled with personal and practical stories.A must–read for both advocates and neutrals!"
Andrea Kupfer Schneider, professor and director of thedispute resolution program, Marquette University Law School

"Bernie Mayer is brilliant, and his book makes an enormouscontribution to the field. It is deep and subtle and complex andprofound, and at the same time it is immensely practical,tremendously useful, amazingly comprehensive, and beautifullywritten. It is a classic, and it will help you navigate the chaoticwaters of conflict."
Kenneth Cloke, author of The Dance ofOpposites

"In this groundbreaking work, Bernie Mayer translates science,philosophy, and creative imagination into tools both practical andoriginal. This book offers a much–needed road map for integrativethinking in even the most complex conflicts."
Michelle LeBaron, Distinguished Scholar in Residence,Peter Wall Institute for Advanced Studies; professor, TheUniversity of British Columbia Faculty of Law at Allard Hall

"Drawing on decades of experience as a conflictspecialist and an earlier and even more fundamental commitmentas a social activist to a just society Bernie Mayer haswritten a book, rich in case studies and lessons from the field,that unpack seven essential paradoxes characteristic of intractableconflict. Mayer demonstrates how each pole of the paradox remainsstubbornly present and consequential all the time, and how theconflict specialist must come to understand and learn to work withthis, even as he or she helps the disputants to do much the samething."
Kevin Avruch, dean and professor, The School forConflict Analysis and Resolution, George Mason University

"I strongly recommend this book to any professional who wants tostretch the boundaries of his or her thinking and skills in workingwith others."
Arnold T. Shienvold, PhD, past president, Associationfor Conflict Resolution and Association of Family and ConciliationCourts

Preface ix

Acknowledgments xv

1 The Art of Conflict 1

2 Competition and Cooperation 25

3 Optimism and Realism 61

4 Avoidance and Engagement 95

5 Principle and Compromise 131

6 Emotions and Logic 167

7 Neutrality and Advocacy 201

8 Community and Autonomy 237

9 The Conflict Dialectic: Better Paradoxes, Better Conflict 267

References 295

Index 307

BERNARD MAYER, PHD, is an internationallyrecognized leader in the field of conflict intervention. He isProfessor of Dispute Resolution at The Werner Institute atCreighton University and was a founding partner of CDR Associates,an internationally acclaimed conflict intervention and trainingfirm. His background spans family mediation, public and privatesector consultation, environmental decision making, organizationalconflict, and international mediation. His previous books includeBeyond Neutrality, Staying with Conflict, and TheDynamics of Conflict.