QR Codes Kill Kittens: How to Alienate Customers, Dishearten Employees, and Drive Your Business into the Ground

Testimonials that no one has said. Ever . "I'm pumped that this brand forces me to use a technology I don't understand!" "Scanning that QR code led me to a non-mobile site. Hot-diggity! Let the zoom and scroll begin!" "That QR code on the company car makes me think that brand is forward-thinking and hip!" "That QR code on your site, that takes me back to your site, enriched my web experience and made my AOL membership fee worth it!"

Introduction Chapter 1 They missed a step. Craptcha Not working. A kitten dies… Anybody got a pen? Invasion of Sanity, and Sanitation A kitten dies… I don’t feel special. A kitten dies… The door to digital success. Twipster Working Hard. Mistaken Mobile Metrics The Unknown Icon. A kitten dies… Where QR codes belong. E.T. Don’t Phone Home Going viral isn’t a science. Pinterest fail. Phone call on LAN 2 The Autofollow Seems Legit Poor Wendy(s) A kitten dies… Tunnel of QR Love Spaced Out A kitten dies… A Blackberry by Any Other Name What the Truck? Swipe Away Poor Baby A kitten dies… Dropping the Customer Service Ball Capital Offense. A kitten dies.. Appealing QR codes. A kitten dies… I don’t even… Useless disclaimer. Wait, What? One potato, two potato, three potato, scan! Chapter 2 Nobody likes them. Not even your lost pet A kitten dies… Making it Rain. Well, that’s one way to reply. Putting your foot down on fonts. Oh, I know BCC is the new ABC Social SEO The secret to making your you’re book or blog go viral Lead to Nowhere. Never, Ever. Please prove your business is a moron. Frequently Futile Friendly Fire. Views Expressed. eMoms The Fashionable Riot. Customer Disservice. A kitten dies… Get off at the next stop. Don’t Phone in Manners Can’t UnLink Face Palm. Go home phone, you’re drunk. Self Hatred. A kitten died.. Social Slam. Seems Legit. The End of Twitter. All your privacy belongs to us. Too much transparency. A Social Layer. Long Presentation Slide A kitten dies… Exiting your brand. A kitten dies… Fighting Foodies At Least They Cleaned The Important Part Vote for the most annoying person. Looks like magazines do still have ROI. Drive by articles Chapter 3 They’re selfish. It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! Nobody cares about your logo. Checking Out. Tell me what to say. Not The Time Camera Shy It can hurt to ask. Simply, selfish. Children Are Our Future If Pinocchio had teeth. Are we dating? Gimme some more. Pin the tail on the jackasses. Sub QR eService Extraordinaire. Maybe their phone camera is detachable A Million Reasons to Cry. A kitten dies.. Perspective is Everything. I’m not saying TMobile is terrible at twitter, but… Nothing says social like SHOUTING. I’m pretty sure this is… Gap in judgment. The Most Misleading Man in the World. Opt out/in Number One. Twitter is not a megaphone A kitten dies… Can you hear me now? It’s a Trap. You are the weakest link. Don’t Trend. You get what you pay for. Score! The direct mail merge tweet. The iQRony Automated Authenticity. The QR Matrix. Anti–social behavior is the new social media. Drawing a blank. Wait until you see it… Chapter 4 Your time is better spent elsewhere. Always pay your web designer. Who are they talking to? Consider Location Value good employees. Just say no to Scheduling. Invest in communication training. Don’t be an asshole. Remember to switch to your personal account. Remember, not everything is a marketing opportunity. Remember people are listening. Don’t get caught flying the bird. A kitten dies… Remember youth is wasted on the young. Don’t drive your customers to the brink. A kitten dies… All caps Ketchup You could stand to lose a few teeth. Don’t hire idiot employees. The peak of creative stupidity. A kitten dies… I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard. Stop scheduling tweets. Opinions are your brands reflection. Less than joyful. I’m in the middle of an awkward sandwich. We Want “Whatever Your Name Is” Back! Take away the virtual keys after firing someone. A KITTEN DIES… Remember to share quality content. Don’t fake an ovation. The English swear the best. Wheel of misfortune. Remember your manners. Psychic Opt–out. A kitten dies… Pay attention to privacy. Hire better employees. Never forget. Don’t invite open–ended insults. Chapter 5

SCOTT STRATTEN is the President of UnMarketing. He has written many fancy best-selling business books, but that shouldn't influence this purchase. Go ahead, flip through it. It's a freaking picture book, you either like it or you don't. Scott was named one of the top five social media influencers in the world on Forbes.com.